Humorous Management Gifts

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Above reproach.

'Gentlemen we need more growth.'

"Here we mark our data points, but the real fun is connecting the dots!"

Job complaints on road signs.

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

'I know it's a lot of money but we can't avoid it any longer.'

'Nothing has come to my attention today and I want to know why.'

'After sleeping on it, I've decided not to allow power naps.'

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

"I'm a big believer in micromanagement."

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

'Take down that stupid sign! It's giving me a headache!'

"No, no, your job's not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We're just firing you."

'I question his commitment since his ulcer isn't bleeding.'

Think Small.

"Was delegation the only thing you learnt on that management course?"

"We can't offer you a golden parachute, however we do provide a very attractive escape hatch."

'Look humble, Jenkins. The arrogant look is okay in the office, but these are investors.'

Micromanage / Nanomanage

"That's not our logo. That's the company's flowchart."

Regional manager Dan Blunquist introduces a disgruntled employee to his new open-door policy.