Grocery Store Humorist Pillows

Free Range / Deranged

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

'Sorry Ma'am, we do not sell fresh produce, only frozen...'

'It's all contaminated with horse meat. Remove them from sale and send them to the glue factory.'

'One case of body wash. Will there be anything else?

"Wake up Mrs. Jones. You're sleep shopping again."

"These new self-service tills will certainly cut our staff bills."

"Hey, wait - I think we're supposed to put stuff in a cart."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'The stuff legends are made of'

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

Low income vampires.

Self Checkout

That was 16 items.

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

Kevin's concerns over horsemeat in the beefburgers evaporated when he passed the frozen fish cabinet.

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

'Well, it all tastes like the same old crap to me,'

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

'This could be a new record!'

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

Foods that are bad for you. Foods that are really bad for you.

Organic Broccoli. . . Pimped Out Broccoli.

The Shopped Elsewhere: 'They take their loyalty card scheme very seriously at this supermarket.'

Grocery store ruins a cart drivers attempt to motivate his horse.

"I never use the Express Lane. I like to keep my money a little longer."

Greengrocer selling rotten fruit for a political rally.

"My milk is gonna spoil if I stand here any longer."

'Are you over 18 stone?'