Commerce Comedian Pillows

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Stock Market Research and Analysis

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

'Slaug-ter house? I wonder what that is. C'mon, I'll race you!'

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'We've identified the reason for our earning's shortfall. It seems our company is run by a bunch of rabbits.'

'Hey, Naomi, remember last week when you said nothing short of a miracle could save MicroTechnoCom from bankruptcy?'

Our Universe: Matter (.0001%), Dark Matter (40%), Spam (60%)

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Keister Island

Sign - 'Warning: Government Spending Objectives Are Larger Than They Actually Appear.'

'The accountants can wait, Tell them I'm tied up in a meeting with representatives from Pomerol Pommard,'

"We have a fund with a new, advanced financial strategy but it hasn't been tested on humans.''

Bankers waking up from cryo-sleep to explain the Fed's interest rate hike to you.

'He'd be handsome even without the big bonus, stock options and obscene salary!'