Customs Comedian Pillows

A Cornish Man

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

Antler Buzzers.

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

'It's not company policy but how about starting on some performance enhancing drugs?'

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

American's Funniest Tax Decuctions

Our Universe: Matter (.0001%), Dark Matter (40%), Spam (60%)

Keister Island

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"Hold on, one more thing to go."

Stop! Mad cows are forbidden to cross the border!

"We have a fund with a new, advanced financial strategy but it hasn't been tested on humans.''

'Are you sure you're not wearing anything you bought overseas?'

'You can't deduct your TV as a medical expense, even if it does induce drowsiness, improve sleep patterns, and act as a mild sedative.'

'With the tax cut and the federal deficit, the only solution is for you to earn more, Mr. Syms.'

'See that, Greg? His back is straight. Both feet flat on the floor. Eyes fixed on the game. It's natural talent, Greg. You just can't teach that.'

'Have you heard about the origami shop?'

Floor Wet When Slippery

Border Guard

Make Your Own

"Anything to declare?" "Yeah...you're not getting a penny in VAT from my latest project"

A sniffer bear locates smuggled honey at an airport

'Even if your dog does do 'His Business' in your basement, you still can't deduct it as office space.'

'You were doing the speed limit. I ofund that suspicious.'

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

"You know I don't like to cuddle."

"I may have to give up this business. The gift taxes are killing me!"

"It's one of our local customs—the annual blessing of the lawnmowers."