Customs Comedian Gifts

A Cornish Man

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

Antler Buzzers.

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're not cut out to be the 'sparkly' kind of vampire."

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

'Arghhh! He's got no face!'

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

'It's not company policy but how about starting on some performance enhancing drugs?'

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

American's Funniest Tax Decuctions

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

Keister Island

"Hold on, one more thing to go."

Our Universe: Matter (.0001%), Dark Matter (40%), Spam (60%)

Stop! Mad cows are forbidden to cross the border!

'You can't deduct your TV as a medical expense, even if it does induce drowsiness, improve sleep patterns, and act as a mild sedative.'

"We have a fund with a new, advanced financial strategy but it hasn't been tested on humans.''

'Are you sure you're not wearing anything you bought overseas?'

Border Guard

Floor Wet When Slippery

A sniffer bear locates smuggled honey at an airport

'See that, Greg? His back is straight. Both feet flat on the floor. Eyes fixed on the game. It's natural talent, Greg. You just can't teach that.'

'With the tax cut and the federal deficit, the only solution is for you to earn more, Mr. Syms.'

'Have you heard about the origami shop?'

Make Your Own

"Anything to declare?" "Yeah...you're not getting a penny in VAT from my latest project"

'Even if your dog does do 'His Business' in your basement, you still can't deduct it as office space.'

'You were doing the speed limit. I ofund that suspicious.'

"You know I don't like to cuddle."

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

"Every year the beings on this planet eat one of these on the day they were calibrated."