Courtside Comedian Gifts

Players from both teams charge into the seats and grab the belligerent fan.

'See that, Greg? His back is straight. Both feet flat on the floor. Eyes fixed on the game. It's natural talent, Greg. You just can't teach that.'

"Quiet please... the players are about to begin grunting."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

Gary turns 40.

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"Bailiff."

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Law School teacher.

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"#notguilty."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Actual Extent Of Doug's Off - Road Adventures (Touching the kerb)

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'