Court Comedians Gifts

A court jester pitches a ball to a king.

'Now that's just gutsy defense. Roger sacrifices his body, steps in front of the dribbler and draws the offensive foul.'

'So I robbed the stupid bank-- I was only following my dreams!'

Basketball player in heaven has a net on his halo that makes it look like a basketball hoop.

'Make sport of the Queen.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

Gary turns 40.

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

Law School teacher.

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"#notguilty."

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'I'd like to go back to law school and pay attention this time.'

A baby in court