Court Comedy Enthusiasts Gifts

"I'm happy to say that my final judgement of a case is almost always consistent with my prejudgement of the case."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Gary turns 40.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"The court granted me a new identity!"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Baby's first words.

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"I didn't consider it hacking. I thought of it as getting a sneak preview of their content."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

'Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'not guilty, but not exactly innocent either'!'

"Let's take in a trial."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Judge Mental.'

'Oh sure, Your Honor, he can speak. He's using sign language ...

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."