Courtroom Comedy Fans Gifts

"Your Honor, the state has every reason to consider the defendant an extremely high flight risk."

Baby's first words.

Three blind mice see personal injury lawyer: 'You've got a water-tight case here.'

"You're lucky to have your case tried by Judge Hemingway. He's known for his short snappy sentences."

'My client wasn't going to keep the money, Your Honor - He only robbed the bank to get on a reality show.'

'I sentence you to nine consecutive life terms.'

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

'Your honor, I move that we have a change of venue. Pretrial publicity has made it impossible for us to get high ratings in this county.'

"The witness will not tweet his testimony."

"I was sort of expecting you to need Jungle Law, but yes, I deal with Tort Law."

'This may very well BE a kangaroo court, Mr. Dingo, nevertheless we still find you guilty of eating Mrs. Boomer's Joey.''

Talk about your tough judges †I was the bailiff!

'Yes, I'm a bigamist, but I prefer to think of myself as serving two marriages concurrently.'

'Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't pleas insanity.'

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?"

It's iron clad, you can't lose the case... I've given you the oppositions case.

"Your honor, this is the eye witness."

'...If you cannot afford a lawyer, the trial will go a lot faster.'

'Haven't you heard of crimes against humanity?'

Jurors Preparing for Duty at the Assize Court

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

Yawning barristers in court

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

A baby in court

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'