Courtroom Comedy Enthusiasts Gifts

"Before counsel make their final summations, we're going to take some calls from across the country."

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

'It doesn't look good for your sentencing.'

'Your Honor, I have nothing to hide.'

'Witness for the Prosecution means you'll elaborate on the whackings.'

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

A baby in court

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"The court granted me a new identity!"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Baby's first words.

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."