Courtroom Comedy Appreciators Gifts

'I hate it when we operate on malpractice lawyers.'

"If she sings it's over."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Baby's first words.

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Judge Mental.'

"Let's take in a trial."

The start of a clinical drug trial. Your honor, we will prove beyond a reasonable doubt this pill is both safe and effective.

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"...And now show us what you said."

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

On second thought, your honor

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

'Talk to my lawyer.'