Courtroom Comedy Appreciator Gifts

"We would like to request a change of venue to an entirely different legal system."

'We find the defendant, not very interesting.'

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

The Sheepdog Trials

'Well, that may be the law, Your Honor, but I don't think it should apply to me.'

"Is it your testimony that until the injury it had all been just fun and games?"

"May I assume that when you say I should spend the rest of my life behind bars, you are just expressing your opinion?"

'And then he gambled away our food stamps!'

'I was crazy to marry her in the first place, so perhaps I could plead insanity.'

You'll probably get a life sentence, so you'll be out in four months.

'I hope the Court will take into account the fact that my client has been smoke-free for almost three months now!:

'Hey, it won't be so bad -- why I'm doing community service myself right now.'

'Not too speedy a trial †I haven't though up an alibi yet.'

'The End Justifies The Beans.

'I knew it was illegal, Your Honor, but I had no idea you felt so strongly about it.'

Crime report: Neil Gorsuch is handed a life sentence for possession of stolen property.

Juvenile Court

"Bride or groom?"

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

"He may be only a junior partner, but remember - his mother destroyed half of Tokyo."

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

The start of a clinical drug trial. Your honor, we will prove beyond a reasonable doubt this pill is both safe and effective.

"Let's take in a trial."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."