Courtroom Comedy Aficionado Gifts

'This trial will take approximately one week despite the defendant's obvious guilt.'

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

Better not dawdle. Mr Collins has already started billing

'The Jury is instructed to disregard the witness's big beautiful, luscious, bare tits!'

'Obviously my client is not competent to stand trial, Your Honor -- he's wearing a Nehru jacket, for heaven's sake!'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of Sarah Palin.'

'Your Honor, my client requests that we skip the trial and move directly to the book-deal phase.'

'It's true that sensitive documents were destroyed, but only because I needed to sharpen my claws.'

"Your Honour, the marital black box which my client mounted on advice of counsel will reveal that his spouse is clearly to blame for the break-up!"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty?"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"The court granted me a new identity!"

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

"Can you hear me now?"

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"I didn't consider it hacking. I thought of it as getting a sneak preview of their content."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

'Oh sure, Your Honor, he can speak. He's using sign language ...