Court Comedy Aficionado Gifts

'That wasn't great sex, but it was fun!'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

Gary turns 40.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

Pre-Minstrel Tension

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"The court granted me a new identity!"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"I didn't consider it hacking. I thought of it as getting a sneak preview of their content."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'not guilty, but not exactly innocent either'!'

"Let's take in a trial."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

The start of a clinical drug trial. Your honor, we will prove beyond a reasonable doubt this pill is both safe and effective.

'Oh sure, Your Honor, he can speak. He's using sign language ...

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'If you plead guilty to being the Cat Burglar, I can get you off with just being declawed.'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'