Court Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

A barrister with his first brief

"Now congress is contemplating tort reform. I'm going to file a lawsuit to stop any legislation they pass!"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

Gary turns 40.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty?"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

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'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

"The court granted me a new identity!"

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

"Can you hear me now?"

"I didn't consider it hacking. I thought of it as getting a sneak preview of their content."

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'not guilty, but not exactly innocent either'!'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

The start of a clinical drug trial. Your honor, we will prove beyond a reasonable doubt this pill is both safe and effective.

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Oh sure, Your Honor, he can speak. He's using sign language ...

"Let's take in a trial."