Court Comedian Gifts

"Quiet please...the players are about to begin grunting."

'It was Bob's last wish to spread his ashes on the spot where he spent most of his athletic career.'

'It's better to keep the second ball in your pocket.'

'You think you've got a bad knee? Let me tell you about a bad knee, my brother.'

'He's a little unpredictable, but with the right combination of medication and therapy, he can make an impact on this league.'

"Umm. . . Hello? I'm over here!"

Well, since your sentence is only for five years, you might as well go on home now.

His patience running thing, the ref pushes the mute button and ends the argument.

'Just guard your man, Dewey Don't be so clingy'

"I said MBA not NBA."

"I'm trying to take a nap so hold down the racket."

'There's another wet spot over here.'

A little help.

Gary turns 40.

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'Timeout! ... Coaching change.'

'Do as I say: Hand over the ball or I'll pull the finger ... er ... trigger.'

'Let's keep a tight rein on this game. Emotions are running hight.'

Wet paint.

'What? How can you say this game is bor-ring?!'

'How bad is it?'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"Don't get up too quickly, I don't want you getting the bends."

'You're a great player, Coleman, but you've got a bad attitude. One of these days someone's gonna knick that big cow chop off your shoulder.'

'Bavetta! The foul is called 'holding.' Stop calling it 'touchy-feely.''

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

"You can't plead cute."