Court Comedian Prints

"Quiet please...the players are about to begin grunting."

'It was Bob's last wish to spread his ashes on the spot where he spent most of his athletic career.'

'It's better to keep the second ball in your pocket.'

'You think you've got a bad knee? Let me tell you about a bad knee, my brother.'

'He's a little unpredictable, but with the right combination of medication and therapy, he can make an impact on this league.'

"Umm. . . Hello? I'm over here!"

Well, since your sentence is only for five years, you might as well go on home now.

His patience running thing, the ref pushes the mute button and ends the argument.

'Just guard your man, Dewey Don't be so clingy'

"I said MBA not NBA."

"I'm trying to take a nap so hold down the racket."

'There's another wet spot over here.'

A little help.

Gary turns 40.

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'Timeout! ... Coaching change.'

'Do as I say: Hand over the ball or I'll pull the finger ... er ... trigger.'

'Let's keep a tight rein on this game. Emotions are running hight.'

Wet paint.

'What? How can you say this game is bor-ring?!'

'How bad is it?'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"Don't get up too quickly, I don't want you getting the bends."

'You're a great player, Coleman, but you've got a bad attitude. One of these days someone's gonna knick that big cow chop off your shoulder.'

'Bavetta! The foul is called 'holding.' Stop calling it 'touchy-feely.''

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Dear Sadie, I'm twelve years old and I still can't make a half-court shot in basketball. What should I do? - Moe. Moe, I know you want a quick fix, but there's no substitute for hard work. Master the half-court shot the way I mastered needle-point, practice five hours a day for seventy-five years … while giving your competitors backhanded compliments. With diligence, you'll eventually outlive anyone who knows your failings … which means they never

The team hasn't won a game since management cut the payroll! It was a severe downsizing!

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."