Courtroom Comedy Appreciators Pillows

"If she sings it's over."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Baby's first words.

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"Let's take in a trial."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Judge Mental.'

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."

"I pronounce you guilty as charged and wife."

"...And now show us what you said."

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

'I had no idea there was a local ordinance against taking the Fifth Amendment!'