Courtroom Comedy Connoisseurs Pillows

'Let's be fair about this, Your Honor -- how can the plaintiff be an objective witness if my client shot him?'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

A baby in court

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Baby's first words.

"You don't have to answer that."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"Let's take in a trial."

'Judge Mental.'

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Talk to my lawyer.'

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

'I had no idea there was a local ordinance against taking the Fifth Amendment!'

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

He was good. Real good.

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

Stenographer wants 15 minutes of court repeated

The Sheepdog Trials

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'