Courtroom Humor Aficionados Pillows

'Okay, now read that back to me in your best James Earl Jones voice.'

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

A baby in court

"Why won't you cuddle?"

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'The highest court in the land.'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

The hour of justice

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Baby's first words.

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"Can you hear me now?"

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

'Overruled, you may continue.'

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife