Courtroom Humor Lovers Pillows

Court. No, you only get an attorney. You can't have a court appointed girlfriend.

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty?"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

A baby in court

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'The highest court in the land.'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

"The court granted me a new identity!"

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'