Courtside Comedians Gifts

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

My brilliant career

Gary turns 40.

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Not here - home!'

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

Actual Extent Of Doug's Off - Road Adventures (Touching the kerb)

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

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"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

'Billy - no! Do not ask for his autograph. He'll lose his natural fear of fans, become a nuisance, and then he'll need to be tranquilized and relocated to Europe.'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."