Tax Comedian Gifts

'Even if your dog does do 'His Business' in your basement, you still can't deduct it as office space.'

Stand-up Accountant

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

Yes, they are all dependants."

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

"And do you promise to love, honor, and cherish each other, and to pay the United States government more in taxes as a married couple than you would have paid if you had just continued living together?"

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

'Historically, the population decline started when the Dodo Government introduced a tax on flying...'

"Here's a new bill to pay...intellectual property tax!"

Tax relief

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

tax

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

Ancient Greece. "The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Socrates clearly lived in a time before IRS audits.

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."

"Do you have any receipts from this this 'alien abduction'?"

"Think of the raising of taxes as a motivational tool to go out and make more money."