Tax Humorist Gifts

'Sorry, but under the table donations aren't tax-deductible.'

'I may feel like a million bucks, but after taxes I look like two dollars and fifteen cents.'

"Even if you do always volunteer to bring the meat dish to church potlucks, you can't claim the congregation as dependents."

'That lunch didn't agree with me - it wasn't tax deductable.'

'You can claim your dependents on yout tax returns, but not your codependents.'

IRS: 'Let's freeze those who die owing taxes...thaw them out when a cure is found.'

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

'My records show that you haven't filed a tax return for 17 years!'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

'I'm e-mailing our taxes. Do you think we'll have a better chance of not getting audited if I add a smiley face emoticon?'

Sign in a tax office: 'The customer is always ripe.'

IRS 'IN' and 'OUT' trays

'Sorry, you can't file a joint-return unless you're married!'

'I've just read you tax return. How much for the film rights?'

Heartless Taxation Department

"Here's your participation trophy, sir - It's all part of tax reform."

Would you like a tissue - they're 24p plus VAT.

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

"We're with the IRS. We have reason to believe you may have counted your chickens before they hatched."

'Have your personal circumstances changed in the last twelve months?'

"You owe us $17,234.82, plus postage and handling."

"Beware of this hole's hazard, an IRS auditor."

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

"Since your doctor gave you until the end of April to live, the IRS granted you a two-week extension."

'I see a tax office...I see some clerks giggling over a self assessment form...'

I have only one deduction to make. . .you're lying!

'You may march to a different drummer, but you still have to pay the same piper.'

'I didn't realize Harry was a worthless scumbag of a bastard until the third date when he mentioned he worked for the IRS.'

'The barbarians ,,, I mean, IRS agents ,,, are at the gate,'

'Sorry, but Watford is not a tax heaven!'

'Look on the bright side. You haven't paid a penny in tax since you've been here.'

"For 'Total wages, salaries and tips', we need an actual number, not whatever.'"