Commandments Comedian Pillows

"Oh-oh -- a DEMERIT system!"

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'These sure rule out a lot of options....'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

"Don't forget the screenplay."

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'It's not company policy but how about starting on some performance enhancing drugs?'

'I'm just not keen.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'Is this a trick question?'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"Of course under your new contract the requirement for you to provide 24 hour cover is optional...you could also opt for 36 or 48 hours!"

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

'Quick! 'Tushy to the ground' stance!'

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

bound by restrictive covenant

"And with this, nuptial contract, independent inventory and itemised bill...I thee wed."

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

"Define 'lawfully'."