Commandment Comedians Pillows

'Are you sure about this? - These people have NO sense of humor.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'He does.'

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'These sure rule out a lot of options....'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

'I'm a bit suspicious of that Trojan Clothes horse.'

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

"Till death do us part? Hers or mine?"

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'It's not company policy but how about starting on some performance enhancing drugs?'

'I'm just not keen.'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'Is this a trick question?'

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'These are a little harsh. Why don't you take time off for some r and r and rewrite them when you're in a better mood?'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

Stupid medicine - Shake Well Before Using.

'Quick! 'Tushy to the ground' stance!'