Commitment Comedians Pillows

"Do you realize that that was the first time neither of us was married?"

"Remember - no mention of planned obsolescence."

'Wait a minute - Shouldn't we flip a coin to see who goes first?'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

'I wish my marriage was 'catch and release'!'

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'He's right, you know. You're not allowed to bring a date to your own wedding.'

Wedding Coin Tosser

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

"Do I have fourteen days to change my mind if I don't like being married?"

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

'I do...with reservations.'

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"