Confession Comedians Pillows

'I tried letting it all hang out, and somebody stepped on it.'

"...I'm trisexual - I'll try anything sexual."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"You may join the crew, Sir, but first you must promise never to write a book about us."

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

'Is this a trick question?'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

'Don't you have anything more recent? I've already read what you just confessed on your blog.'

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

"Define 'lawfully'."

'I do, but no promises.'

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

Brenda tests to see if Karl can truly handle the low points of living together.

'I'm confused. Is this a romance novel or a confession about how much you like boxes and warm places to nap?'

"What type of disposition do I think I have? One that happily accepts marriage proposals..."

"And do you, Robert, mind if I smoke?"

"Awesome! I hope you don't mind me re-tweeting this sicko stuff."