Confession Comedians Gifts

"You did what?! That's a mortal sin I haven't ever heard before!"

'I tried letting it all hang out, and somebody stepped on it.'

"...I'm trisexual - I'll try anything sexual."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"Till death do us part? Hers or mine?"

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

"You may join the crew, Sir, but first you must promise never to write a book about us."

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'Is this a trick question?'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

'Don't you have anything more recent? I've already read what you just confessed on your blog.'

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

"Define 'lawfully'."

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

"Come on Father, confess. You haven't been keeping to your diet, have you?"

Brenda tests to see if Karl can truly handle the low points of living together.

"What type of disposition do I think I have? One that happily accepts marriage proposals..."

Wedding Coin Tosser