Confession Comedian Gifts

"Don't worry, my son. Voting for that party was not a sin, just stupidity."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"I was caught by the VAT man."

"Come on Father, confess. You haven't been keeping to your diet, have you?"

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

"I brought my worn out shoes because I heard that confession was good for the sole!"

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

'Is this a trick question?'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

'Don't you have anything more recent? I've already read what you just confessed on your blog.'

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"Define 'lawfully'."

Brenda tests to see if Karl can truly handle the low points of living together.

'I do, but no promises.'

"What type of disposition do I think I have? One that happily accepts marriage proposals..."

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

"And do you, Robert, mind if I smoke?"

"Awesome! I hope you don't mind me re-tweeting this sicko stuff."

Deadly Sins Dept. Envy. Lust. Sloth. Pride. Greed. Wrath. Gluttony. At times it seems like it should be, but "oversharing" is not a deadly sin.

''For what it's worth'? - Are you sure you don't mean 'for better or for worse'?'