Confession Humorist Gifts

Ambitions... to come to confession more often

Man mistakes portable table for a church confessional.

'No, Father, I can't spice it up a bit!'

Pizza for the priest.

'Wouldn't it be less of a burden on your conscience if you told the parliamentary standards committee rather than me.'

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

A woman doesn't realise she's speaking to a parrot in confessional.

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

Various Traps.

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

"I brought my worn out shoes because I heard that confession was good for the sole!"

This Saturday 10:30 Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Doctor, Nurse, Policeman, Shop Worker, Lollipop Lady, Butcher, Baker, Housewife, Schoolboy...

'I'll tell her all about this when she gets home.'

'Don't get me wrong, the Church is glad to hear your confession of improper contributions, but only the I.R.S. can grant absolution.'

"Look, they get really mad when I dig up the garden, so, can you please sign this statutory declaration..."

'I've been disrespectful again, Dad.'

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

The Confessional: a bored priest listens to a confession.

"A fear of heights, eh? Fear of commitment more like it!"

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

Priest says to man in confessional: 'Blah-de-blah ... come on, get to the good stuff!'

"What's this, a confession written in code. . .?"

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

True confession

'Don't you have anything more recent? I've already read what you just confessed on your blog.'

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

Confession plugged up to an amp.

'Okay! I did it! I robbed all those banks on the north end of town! Guilty as charged! Lock me up!'