Commitment Comedian Pillows

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

Man anchors suspenders to ground as he prepares to jump with girlfriend at lover's leap.

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

Procrastinators anonymous - Tonight's meeting postponed. To be rescheduled eventually.

'If I say I do, does it mean I can't date other people anymore?'

'I can't divorce me, I have tenure.'

"I'm sorry, Frank. I'm experiencing buyer's remorse."

"Define 'lawfully'."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'After our wedding,he forsaked all others for about a week.'

''For what it's worth'? - Are you sure you don't mean 'for better or for worse'?'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

'Is this a trick question?'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'You're sweet, Rodney -- I'll put you on my short list.'

Married men live longer, Alice. You don't want to be responsible for my early demise, do you?

'He does.'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

Bride grabbing groom's tailcoat.

"Oh dear! Well, will anoyone else take this woman to be their lawful wedded wife?"

'I do, but no promises.'

Brenda tests to see if Karl can truly handle the low points of living together.

"What type of disposition do I think I have? One that happily accepts marriage proposals..."

"I , Bob, take you, um, gosh, I'm terrible with names. I think it starts with a J. Joan? Jane? Jill? You don't look like a Jill. How about Jan?"

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

"And do you, Robert, mind if I smoke?"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'