Commitment-phobe Comedian Pillows

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

"Yes ... no!"

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"And you're telling me this because?"

"I'm sorry son, was that, 'I do', or 'please kill me'?"

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'Well, yes, when you put it that way, I am a selfish male afraid of commitment, but 'Lone Wolf' sounds better...'

"Till death do us part? Hers or mine?"

'I'm beginning to have second thoughts. I understand that cute wedding photographer is single.'

Dating Death

"A fear of heights, eh? Fear of commitment more like it!"

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

'And do you Emily, take George as your lawful partner until death, or the cute guy in accounts, do you part!'