Commitment-phobe Comedian Pillows

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

"Yes ... no!"

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

'I'm beginning to have second thoughts. I understand that cute wedding photographer is single.'

Dating Death

'Well, yes, when you put it that way, I am a selfish male afraid of commitment, but 'Lone Wolf' sounds better...'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"And you're telling me this because?"

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

"A fear of heights, eh? Fear of commitment more like it!"

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

'Are you sure you want to save your marriage?'

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'