Commitment-phobe Humorist Pillows

"When are you going to accept the fact that it's over between us?!"

'Let's put it another way, marry me, or I'll put you on tomorrow's menu!'

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

"Doggone it, Penelope, I'm crazy about you! I'm begging you, please, please don't divorce me!"

"Do you have a card that expresses my undying love and devotion...But with a six month get out clause."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

"Yes ... no!"

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

'I do - allowing for a 50 margin of error...'

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

'I'm beginning to have second thoughts. I understand that cute wedding photographer is single.'

Dating Death

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

"And you're telling me this because?"

'Well, yes, when you put it that way, I am a selfish male afraid of commitment, but 'Lone Wolf' sounds better...'

"A fear of heights, eh? Fear of commitment more like it!"

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'