Commitment-phobe Humorist Gifts

"When are you going to accept the fact that it's over between us?!"

'Let's put it another way, marry me, or I'll put you on tomorrow's menu!'

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

"Doggone it, Penelope, I'm crazy about you! I'm begging you, please, please don't divorce me!"

"Do you have a card that expresses my undying love and devotion...But with a six month get out clause."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"Yes ... no!"

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

Hello, Susie, it's R

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

'Don't try to sweet talk me, Eddie! You had your chance yesterday! We are through!'

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I do - allowing for a 50 margin of error...'

'I'm beginning to have second thoughts. I understand that cute wedding photographer is single.'

"I'm sorry son, was that, 'I do', or 'please kill me'?"

Dating Death

"And you're telling me this because?"

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'