Commitment-phobia Satirist Gifts

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"Yes ... no!"

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

Dating Death

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

'I'm beginning to have second thoughts. I understand that cute wedding photographer is single.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

"And you're telling me this because?"

"A fear of heights, eh? Fear of commitment more like it!"

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

'Is this a trick question?'

'Are you sure you want to save your marriage?'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

"Or you could just give me half your stuff now and save us all the trouble."

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."