Commitment-phobia Satirist Gifts

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'Or you can rent by the week...'

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"Yes ... no!"

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

Dating Death

'I'm beginning to have second thoughts. I understand that cute wedding photographer is single.'

"I'm sorry son, was that, 'I do', or 'please kill me'?"

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

'I don't know, Randy - Marriage is so INTRUSIVE.'

"And you're telling me this because?"

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

"A fear of heights, eh? Fear of commitment more like it!"

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

'Are you sure you want to save your marriage?'

'And do you Emily, take George as your lawful partner until death, or the cute guy in accounts, do you part!'

'Is this a trick question?'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'