Commitment Phobia Humorist Gifts

"I hired out a double for this bit."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"Yes ... no!"

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

'I do - allowing for a 50 margin of error...'

Superhero with Acrophobia

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'I'm beginning to have second thoughts. I understand that cute wedding photographer is single.'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"A fear of heights, eh? Fear of commitment more like it!"

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

'Is this a trick question?'

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'What d'you mean - you've changed your minds?'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

"The phone number is her idea. I think she wants to split up."