Commitment Issue Humorist Gifts

"My hobbies are Celia, Irene, Trisha and Jane."

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

"Yes ... no!"

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

'I do...with reservations.'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"Till death do us part? Hers or mine?"

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'I'm beginning to have second thoughts. I understand that cute wedding photographer is single.'

"A fear of heights, eh? Fear of commitment more like it!"

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

'I'll need four character references.'

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'