Commitment Issues Humorist Gifts

'Deep down, I don't think I'm ready.'

'You've got to help me, Doc -- I keep switching long-distance companies!'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

"Yes ... no!"

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

"Till death do us part? Hers or mine?"

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'I'm beginning to have second thoughts. I understand that cute wedding photographer is single.'

"A fear of heights, eh? Fear of commitment more like it!"

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'On second thought, maybe we should see other people.'

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

'Is this a trick question?'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'