Commitment Humorist Gifts

Various Traps.

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

'No thanks, darling. If I ate cake at all my weddings, I'd weigh a ton.'

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

'Married? Why,yes-thirty five times actually!'

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"You want a prenuptial agreement? But honey. . . Don't you tryst me?"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'I do...with reservations.'

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

"Till death do us part? Hers or mine?"

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"A fear of heights, eh? Fear of commitment more like it!"

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

'I'll need four character references.'

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."