Commitment Comedy Gifts

Man buying an engagement ring and asking for the lady's name not to be engraved too deep.

'He does.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'I do...with reservations.'

'I just want to be sure to get this right. You met again your imaginary childhood friend and then happened WHAT?'

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

'Who has the rings and prenup?'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"Till death do us part? Hers or mine?"

Marriage & Divorce.

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

"A fear of heights, eh? Fear of commitment more like it!"

'I don't like the look of yours...'

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."