Commitment Comedienne Gifts

'And do you promise to not only talk the talk, but also walk the walk?'

Lesbian civil partnership.

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

A couple dressed as a knife and fork

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'...And then, I guess our relationship got TOO meaningful.'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

Unconditional Loveseat

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

I'm putting all my eggs in one basket.

The Female Brain and The Other One

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

A Reasonable Time for Concern

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'Joe's really slow to take hint...she's been wearing that dress for two years.'

'I do...with reservations.'

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

"After two years of dating, we decided it was finally time to move in together."

'Who has the rings and prenup?'

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

Frank and Ernie's Relationship Advice. It's not enough to just accept that relationships are two-way streets ... You must also avoid taking side trips down alleys!

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"When we met, Marc promised to be the wind under my wings but it turned out to be all hot air."

'Are you serious? I thought 'For Better or for Worse' was just a comic strip.'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"Do you, Amanda and John, promise to watch yourselves, mind your Ps and Qs, and generally step on eggshells in this marriage, in order to somehow keep it up and running for as long as possible?"

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"Yes, a surprise engagement. Even my husband-to-be here didn't know..."

"Will you still love me when I'm old and past it?"

'You're so illogical. I can never win an argument with you.'

"That's Ms Pitt. She's been entrenched on high alert at the front desk for 42 years."