Commandment Humorist Pillows

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

'These sure rule out a lot of options....'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'Take two a day and in a couple of years you'll be a pharmacist!'

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

'I'm just not keen.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

"A fear of heights, eh? Fear of commitment more like it!"

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'Quick! 'Tushy to the ground' stance!'

RETIREMENT VOWS

'Is this a trick question?'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"I now pronounce you guilty."

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"Define 'lawfully'."

"What type of disposition do I think I have? One that happily accepts marriage proposals..."