Commandment Humorist Gifts

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

Graduates on their phones

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'These sure rule out a lot of options....'

Various Traps.

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'I'm just not keen.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'Take two a day and in a couple of years you'll be a pharmacist!'

"A fear of heights, eh? Fear of commitment more like it!"

"Sure, I love you, but I can't stand to be hurt again."

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

'Is this a trick question?'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

RETIREMENT VOWS

"I now pronounce you guilty."

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

'Quick! 'Tushy to the ground' stance!'

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

"Define 'lawfully'."