Command Comedian Gifts

'Quick! 'Tushy to the ground' stance!'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

Antler Buzzers.

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

"Three more classes and I get my belt."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"Appears to be choking on his responsibility."

'I'm a bit suspicious of that Trojan Clothes horse.'

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

"Is something funny, soldier?"

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

"Of course under your new contract the requirement for you to provide 24 hour cover is optional...you could also opt for 36 or 48 hours!"

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

bound by restrictive covenant

"And with this, nuptial contract, independent inventory and itemised bill...I thee wed."

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

"Do you have any video games that would help reduce my role as a father?"

'You're putting that saddle on backwards.' - 'How do you know which way I'm going?'

How to Tell when You're Asking for Directions from a NASCAR Fan: 'Make a left, then hang a left, take another left followed by a left...'

Dogs discussing human commend pet peeves.

'He's not too swift with the rest of the commandments, but he does rest on Sundays.'

"Hon, what's an allegory?"

Karate School. Self-Defense. I can't believe you signed a contract for a full year of expensive karate lessons! I know --- I'm still kicking myself!

Wait a second - doesn't he work for the company next door?

"Just stopping by to say I'm still ignoring you."

'Are you sure about this? - These people have NO sense of humor.'

'OK, OK, I'll make sure I replace the loo roll from now on!'

Music Lessons. It was a mistake signing a guitar lessons contract when the advertisement said "no strings attached."

Church League - Thou Shalt Not Steal

The Rise and Fall of the the Planet of the Geeks.

"Maybe you're taking my answer out of context."

Sergeant shouting at soldiers