Combat Comedian Gifts

"Three more classes and I get my belt."

"Extreme miming"

Cat in a tank...

Women's Martial Arts Center

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

'At ease, soldier.'

Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"Did you call for a Medic?"

French Army knife

'...and this is the Mess.'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'At last! Some decent kit.'

Banting in the Yeomanry

At a Country House

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

'Thank you but I'm a bit sensitive to ethnic food.'

Martial Arts

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

'THINGMY ON THE PORT BOW!! You know, what's it called? Long and pointy... Very fast... TORPEDO ON THE PORT BOW!!'

'Thank you colonel we'll keep your strategy in mind.'

US Camouflage School

The Emperor of Irony

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

"Whoever made fun of my hat better step forward now, or I'll turn this march around!"

The Bengal Lancers/Bingo Lancers/Bagel Lancers/Bungle Lancers

Peacekeeping?

Beware of the dog.

Golf war: 'Fore!'

'I know you didn't just reach through the torpedo tube and grab those fish.'

This next song is about facing your fears, which I'll be playing on the ukulele.

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'