Comedy Combatant Gifts

Women's Martial Arts Center

"Kung Flu Fighting."

Death never accounted for Mrs O'Grady's handbag.

'Play it again, Sam.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

Internet Cafe.

"Hack back with all you've got!"

'Two men having a sword fight with large pen and pencil.'

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"Three more classes and I get my belt."

Martial Arts

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

'You daft cow...I said I needed some company and was out for a duck!'

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

It was supposed to be a friendly takeover?

'I don't think his fists can take much more of the punishment your head's inflicting on them.'

'How'd the negotiations go? Take a wild guess.'

'And the gold medal goes to...'

'Listen, I know that nose was what made me famous, but it also led to me being typecast. I'm hoping this change helps me get more diverse roles.'

Man fights with his shadow.

When paperwork attacks.

Javelin

'Now look what you've done. I told you that I wanted a fair fight... making fun of his trunks is hitting below the belt.'

'I'm taking you off the javelin - you throw it way too high!'

"I didn't want to tell you like this, but I'm going solo..."

The Pole Jumper.

'Knee him in the groin - it always works.'

'I like boxing when there's lots and lots of dancing. And very little hitting.'

"What? You got something funny to say?"

'You've hit the bull.'

'After this event, I want him tested. Blood, urine, DNA - the works. Look for anything unusual.'

"English is a living language and is still evolving."

Computer fight.

Graham Norton