Contract Comedian Gifts

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

bound by restrictive covenant

"And with this, nuptial contract, independent inventory and itemised bill...I thee wed."

"If you can show me anywhere in my contract it says anything about fetching, I'll go fetch."

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

Music Lessons. It was a mistake signing a guitar lessons contract when the advertisement said "no strings attached."

Karate School. Self-Defense. I can't believe you signed a contract for a full year of expensive karate lessons! I know --- I'm still kicking myself!

"Of course under your new contract the requirement for you to provide 24 hour cover is optional...you could also opt for 36 or 48 hours!"

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"The Starview carwash is willing to pick up your seven million dollar contract, and they'll pay it our over 194 years."

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Of course, the rent on the fourth floor is considerably higher.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

Budget reaction.

A musician bowing a tiny guitar

'In the middle of the second movement, Rodney's worst fears were realized; Phillippe began to sing along.'

"Honey, it’s no use. We’ve done everything to try to save the divorce — I think we’re going to have to stay married."

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

'Is this a trick question?'

'Wow! How did you catch something smaller than the bait you were using?'

'My client is fine with the nuptial agreement except for section 7a, non parole period!'

Air Guitar, Electric Air Guitar.

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."