Contract Comedy Aficionado Gifts

"That damn clause: '$2,500 fine if a fly ball hits me on the head'."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

"Can you at least pretend to try and hold the elevator so I won't mull over and over how you didn't hold the elevator."

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

'So, what are the terms of use?'

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

'Hey, Naomi, remember last week when you said nothing short of a miracle could save MicroTechnoCom from bankruptcy?'

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

'Is he expecting you?'

"To paraphrase the late President Kennedy, Smithson: Ask not what Consol

"Of course under your new contract the requirement for you to provide 24 hour cover is optional...you could also opt for 36 or 48 hours!"

The new contract will give you much more power over your future...so here are some guidelines as to how you'll be allowed to use it!'

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

bound by restrictive covenant

"Sure my first quote was less. That was before I found the body in the wall."

"And with this, nuptial contract, independent inventory and itemised bill...I thee wed."

"OK, let's go to contract."

"I'm going to throw this contract out the window, hargraves. Bring it back to me and make sure someone's signature is on it."

"Excuse me, One has not actually signed the agreement yet!"

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'I don't care how much you interfaced, interacted, coordinated, arranged, or organized in the past. Just tell me how many prenups you've worked on.'

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on." (Colour)

'According to this pre-nup, if I marry you I have to wait 24 months to upgrade.'

"This franchise deal looks great! But I can't see the fine print."