Contract Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

"I want you to rewrite this incorporating the use of a taser on appeal.'

'Masonry robot, what are you doing?'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

Building a better America - Financing by The Bank of China.

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

"Thank God your mother didn't live to see what you've become."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'So, what are the terms of use?'

"Sir, Human Resources has clogged the organic waste bins with burned out workers again!"

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

Boss talking to lawyer, 'These new Terms and Conditions you've drafted for us are extremely long and overly complex - our customers are never going to be able to understand them. Well done Jones!'

'Hey, Naomi, remember last week when you said nothing short of a miracle could save MicroTechnoCom from bankruptcy?'

"Is this what happens when management fails to deal with a passive aggressive member of staff..?"

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

"The computer in the main office says you need to be fired but it didn't say why."

"Of course under your new contract the requirement for you to provide 24 hour cover is optional...you could also opt for 36 or 48 hours!"

The new contract will give you much more power over your future...so here are some guidelines as to how you'll be allowed to use it!'

"Sign here to indicate you have no idea what you've signed."

bound by restrictive covenant

"Sure my first quote was less. That was before I found the body in the wall."

"And with this, nuptial contract, independent inventory and itemised bill...I thee wed."

"OK, let's go to contract."

"I'm going to throw this contract out the window, hargraves. Bring it back to me and make sure someone's signature is on it."

"Excuse me, One has not actually signed the agreement yet!"

'According to this pre-nup, if I marry you I have to wait 24 months to upgrade.'

"He can't bear working on yellow teeth."

"This franchise deal looks great! But I can't see the fine print."

"Usually, I give a free estimate, but for lawyers, I charge a consultation fee."